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I think just about everyone would agree that this year turned out wildly different than what they were expexting at this time last year. Like all years, this one was a bit of mixed bag of thingsfor me personally arguably more downs than ups, but I think it's also important to remember to be thankful for things that we still have.

Despite the storm damage and losing my mom, I still have my job and house, and am financially in the best position of my life, so on that front I'm doing great! But emotionally I'm held together with duct tape, so it's fine for the most part, but I've noticed more breakdowns than usual recently, probably due to the job/house/death/winter/virus/laziness/lack of a social life. I know 2021 won't differ from 2020 too much, but I'm really hoping that a few of those pain points will either go away or be lessened a bit to a more bearable level.

I've learned much this year though. With technical skills, I am much more experienced with python and the stock market, I've also learned countless things with regards to the house, plumbing, electrical, drywall, roofs and attics, and so much more. I've taken up metal working and improved my cooking skills, as well as hiking and hanging with the dog more!

Emotionally I think I've accepted that I am not ready for a committed relationship yet as I'd like to better myself and build life more before finding someone (this is compounded by the lack of a social life due to recently moving and the virus, so no social interactions=no new friends=no partner). This isn't helped either by my annoying lack of patience for things that have simple solutions (like traffic jams) and myself (because if I'm not better than I was yesterday, what am I even doing?), so here I wait jiggling my leg impatiently but knowing I need to wait. A disheartening side effect of the stress outlined above are emotional breakdowns from seemingly small things that I can normally shrug off. For instance, yesterday while installing a new lightbulb fixture, it broke and I had what boiled down to a temper-tantrum for about an hour. Cathartic, but not an ideal expression of emotions, which I'm hoping will be remedied by taking martial arts back up (which would also improve bodily health and social life).

To sum up, not to sound too much like a victim, but I honestly feel like all my big problems are because society is fucked up, not because of myself. My lack of a social life and laziness, yes, those are my fault for the most part, but arguably they would both be significantly improved if society would just get its shit together and return to a semi-normal plane of existance.

Anyway, here's hoping 2021 will be marginally better than 2020.