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A brief synopsis of events that have occured in the last three months:

• I got a dog
• A huge storm came by and damaged my roof and porch
• I fixed the roof damage
• I paid off my student loans (yay!)
• My mom is dying
• my stock trading program is nearly complete
• I installed a door to a crawlspace and have been cleaning insulation for weeks (trying to get it done before winter)
• I fixed my air conditioner
• I installed a utility sink
• And somehow managed to stay in contact with friends (you guys are the best!)
• Honorary mention of the pandemic, but we're all in that one together, so not looking for sympathy there

I've been under a significant amount of stress since then, though staying with/helping my mom on a biweekly basis has really put all my problems into perspective, and at the end of the day, I'm thankful I have my friends, my health, my dog, my wits/intellect, and my plans.

So I do feel a bit bad about asserting my woes because I know at least I'm not under crushing debt (other than the house), I have my mental and physical health, I finished my degree, and I do have a job (even if I'm working to leave it). All things considered, I am living The Life. One of my friends asked if I felt cheated out of time with my mom. I would say yes and no. Yes, if I compare myself to others, of course, things could always be better. On the other hand, my ex was an orphan, and another good friend's dad is also dying of cancer, so my attitude is to be thankful for the time that we've already had, and to keep the good memories in mind. A couple months ago I got back into listening to Mumford and Sons, and a line from their song Winter Winds keeps coming to mind:

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl

And the time we were given will be left for the world

The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague

So let the memories be good for those who stay

As I interpret it, we will all die, and the only way to live on is through others, and to be remembered as a good person is a noble thing indeed.

Regardless, it is a bit of an odd line of thinking to be faced with one's mortality (for me personally, it's secondhand, but still something that's always on the forefront of the mind), and to now have come to terms with it. It's not easy, but as deaths go, this is certainly not the worst. In some respects, the slow burn is easier to deal with as it allows time for grief and acceptance to happen, which may be healthier because that can helpkeep a positive attitude, which in turn makes life more pleasant for the dying and everyone else around. Is it macabre? Sure, but life itself is destined to die, so really I think it's okay to be scared, anxious, and sad, but at the same time, happy, loving, and free.

As the dog and I were on a walk today, I thought about what would happen if I let him chasea squirrel at a park (as we periodically do), but if somehowmanaged to catch one and rip it to shreds. I'm not sure if I should praise, punish, or ignore what happened. I think the best course of action would be to simply ignore it and clean up the mess (like if it was a poop or something), but since it would be at a park specifcally, how would the children react? The parents would most likely be upset, and as a byproduct so would their children, but by themselves, I think the children may be more curious than upset, especially if they knew the dog beforehand. Either way, death and sex are parts of life, and I'm not sure we do anyone any favors by shielding people from them to the extent that we do (this is in regards to viceral real life stuff, not video games or movies or otherwise).

To change gears now, on August 10th, a large storm (a derecho) hit Cedar Rapids HARD. There are very few large trees left there, and many people''s homes were destroyed (I wish I had some pictures, but think hurricane levels of damage and houses with orange tags saying "do not occupy"). I consider myself very lucky to have gotten away withminimal damage: a 1ft x 2ft hole was punched in my roof, and half my front porch was destroyed, but beyond that, no major damage aside from water damage from said hole. Now, not to pat myself on the back too much, but every roofing contractor I called said they were booked solid till spring. and I'm not the biggest fan of having water leaking into a bedroom every time it rains, and who knows how well it would survive winter, so I did what I do and did it myself. And doggonit, it flippin worked. It rained last week, and not a drop made it into the house. Damn right I'm proud of it. I saved myself a lot of time, money, and headaches just by taking some time to learn how to do things. Of course, like I mentioned, there's some water damage, but I haven't gotten around to fixing that just yet (and I may need to leave drywalling to the professionals because I learned that even though my house has no right angles in it (since it's a little old), I cannot make a right angle to save my life).

Anyway, that's a brief catchup on my life and are some reasons why I haven't been posting. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. If you skipped to this section because you didn't want to read it, that's fine, I do that too. Either way, here's a random insight from a random person in the world.